“Women cheat for many reasons, just like men do,” AASECT-certified sex therapist and licensed counselor Tammy Nelson, Ph.D., tells mbg. “Women cheat because the relationship at home is cooling off,” Nelson says. “If there is tension or boredom at home, excitement on the side can be a distraction, a temptation too great to avoid.” “Everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes, affairs happen because of opportunity,” Nelson adds. “Women can act impulsively and then regret it.” In other words, it’s entirely possible there isn’t much deeper meaning aside from an opportunity that they weren’t able to pass up in the moment. “Mainly what I’ve seen,” Paul tells mbg, “is people cheat when they’re not taking responsibility for themselves or taking care of their own feelings—when they don’t develop the ability to speak up for themselves in their current relationship. They’re abandoning themselves in numerous ways and because of that they’re needy for outside attention.” In this way, she notes, the instance of cheating or an affair may be less about the attention someone gives them and more about the attention they aren’t giving themselves. RELATED STORY: What Is Considered Cheating In A Relationship? The 4 Types + Examples Some common signs to look out for include: Let your partner know you need to talk to them about something important, and take some time to think about how you want to approach the conversation. Couples’ therapy may be a good option to encourage a healthy and productive discussion. “Therapy can help to move forward after an affair,” Nelson says. “Find a therapist who has experience treating erotic recovery—someone who is judgment-free and will support you in your journey toward a new monogamy.” “If both people are open to learning about their own contribution to the problems in the marriage, if they’re willing to learn how to take responsibility for themselves,” Paul adds, “they can actually create a much better relationship than they had before. I see over and over again that the relationship can get much, much better when both people open up and deal with what created the dysfunction. But if one partner isn’t open to dealing with it, then there’s no point. It’s not going to get better.” If you’re both on board, with time, you can start rebuilding trust so you’re stronger than ever. RELATED STORY: Micro-Cheating: What Behaviors Count & How To Spot It
