“Shibari originated as an underground form of culturally specific erotic fantasy play, enjoyed by ordinary people, which centers on erotic nostalgia of bygone eras,” Midori explains to mbg. “In the same way that kinky people of European heritage have incorporated legends and tools of medieval European incarceration, such as Saint Andrew’s Cross and shackles, into their sexual shadow play, so have Japanese folks found carnal inspiration from historical fables of their captured maidens and incarcerated heroes.” Over the past decade or so, shibari has also become very popular outside of Japan. Today it’s enjoyed by consenting adults in private, in addition to being a staple in stage performances in kink-themed bars and in porn, she says. “[These narratives are often] very romantic and alluring, and often gorgeously storied, where shibari is a noble and complex art form, passed down from the samurai, taught today from master to acolyte. Others claim that shibari is a respected art form and spiritual practice in Japan. These narratives, however, are unfortunately deeply problematic as they are another form of ‘othering,’ Orientalism, and out-of-context cultural appropriation,” she says. Other misperceptions include the following: “It’s been so for people who enjoy other forms of kink, such as leather bondage, flogging, ordeal play, and dominance and submission, just to name a few,” she explains. “Japanese Rope can be a naughty bit of sexual play or stillness of self in a chaotic world, and everything in between.” “You don’t have to study and master complex forms that might not even be healthy for you or your partner’s body. A few basic ties, such as one or two-column ties and maybe a simple body harness, is fine, good, and hot kink fun for most people. When it comes down to it, it’s about tying each other for shared fun and sensual delight. It shouldn’t be intimidating or irritating,” she says. To make sure you remain in control of the situation and that you won’t be in so much pain that the experience becomes unpleasant, make sure that you clarify your boundaries from the get-go. You can also come up with safe words and discuss nonverbal cues, like what it might look like if you’re doing OK or if you’re distressed. “Western rope bondage entails more of a functional role or tying someone up for the purpose of restraining. On the other hand, shibari cares more about the aesthetics of tying someone up,” he explains. “The former uses tying as a foreplay practice where couples get to have sex right after. Meanwhile, each tie means something in shibari. One can say that the experience from shibari comes from the process of being tied or tying—what happens during play and not what comes after, i.e., sex.” “It’s infinitely adaptive as you can adjust and change it to suit all body types, physical conditions, and experience levels. You don’t need to be flexible to enjoy shibari—you just need to be clear about what works and doesn’t work for your body that day,” Midori says. “Go to a class. Better yet, go to a lot of classes!” says Angie Rowntree, founder and director of ethical porn site SSSH. “Learning shibari and any kind of rope bondage takes commitment, time, and practice. Give yourself the opportunity to learn about it in person. There are also regional and national events that have a rope bondage component where you can go for a day, weekend, and sometimes longer to learn, practice and socialize with others that have similar interests to you.” Sex educator Madeleine Ross adds that it’s vital to have an open discussion with your partner before trying shibari. “Be clear about what you expect from the experience and create a safe word that you can use with your partner if things get out of hand and either one of you wants to stop or pause,” she says. “If you don’t know your partner well in bed, it’s best to ask a few basic questions like what signals they normally give when they’re feeling good, how to tell if they’re having a good time, signs to look out for if they’re in pain or don’t feel comfortable, and others.” Start with a few ties best suited to beginners, like the single- and double-column ties. Graveris recommends finding a comfortable and spacious place that you and your partner are familiar with. “Do not jump straight into shibari suspension,” he adds. “Practice with floor ties to ensure that you apply the right methods and techniques before you’re up in the air.” Additionally, do not try to imitate the positions or poses you’ve seen in professionally shot adult films or on the social media accounts of popular shibari lovers without the appropriate training and safety precautions. And of course: Always keep your play safe and fully consensual.
