Each choice comes with unique challenges, so following a few simple guidelines can help you confess your romantic feelings with confidence. “When you have a big crush, it’s easy to forget that the object of your desire is a person with flaws and emotional baggage,” says writer and relationship expert Maddy Court, creator of the relationship advice publication The Ex-Girlfriend of My Ex-Girlfriend Is My Girlfriend and a forthcoming volume of the same title. “You can build a whole fantasy around someone you don’t know very well, especially if you’re spending a lot of time lurking on their social media.” That’s why it’s smart, except in a few specific situations, to put off the whole “confessing my feelings” drama and begin by initiating some low-stakes conversations with your crush. Keep in mind that your crush could have zero idea why you’re approaching them, so you want to give this person time to develop curious feelings about you, too. For instance, if you’ve been friends with your crush for a long time, and you know that admitting your feelings might upset the balance of your existing relationship, it can actually come off as thoughtful if you write a note to your pal and tell them they can think on it and get back to you. Just know that anything other than an in-person request for a date or a casual text message is going to come across with gravitas. Consider how much this will impact your relationship with an acquaintance, casual friend, or otherwise. If admitting your feelings puts anything between you up in the air, you’re actually doing the person a service by giving them some immediate breathing room. “Crushes can be exhilarating but also painful and consuming,” she says. “It’s so human to develop feelings for someone who’s in a closed relationship, lives a thousand miles away, or is otherwise unavailable.” Even if you discover that you’re not going to be able to act on your feelings, you are not alone. Give your platonic bond the space it needs to breathe. If this was a casual friend, you don’t have to tell them the boundary work you’re about to embark on. Just say, “No worries!” and back off from contacting them regularly. Mute them on social media if you have to; just limit your exposure to this person without making a big announcement. However, if the relationship is a close one, and you know that backing off will affect your interactions in a big way, you can let the person know that you need space with words like, “Thanks for being honest with me! It was hard for me to work up the courage to tell you how I was feeling. I do want to go back to being friends, but I need a little space first. I hope that in time things will return to normal.”
