Begin any discussion with a compliment, flattery, or praise in order to get the narcissist’s attention. To keep their attention, listen endlessly. This might be hard when narcissists repeat themselves, which they will hardly be aware of. If the narcissist shows haughty or arrogant behaviors or attitudes, do not take this demeanor personally. They are characteristically this way with most people, even when not provoked. In fact, to keep the conversation going, ask them to share more about whatever topic they are discussing. This will hold their attention. When you unintentionally slight a narcissist in his or her mind, he or she will probably leave the room without explanation. They will then maintain passive-aggressive behaviors—like the silent treatment—for long periods of time. Again, if you do not take this behavior personally but instead wait for them to collect themselves, you will eventually be able to continue talking. In effect, talking to a narcissist is a one-sided experience. Only when their long-winded speaking begins to reach a close can you respond effectively, if at all. Do not ever expect the narcissist to empathize with your feelings in such a situation. They may be clueless as to how you feel if you try to explain or worse, not care. He or she may make you feel enhanced and distinctive by being associated with them. If you give that impression to the narcissist when you are talking, your relationship may remain stable. Only when the narcissist senses a change in conversation to your own interests, desires, and ambitions, will the talking abruptly end. Typically that happens when you are beginning to satisfy your own needs, not only those of the narcissist. The narcissist feels exceptionally entitled to your dependence. You may fear abandonment if you do not bring the narcissist back to the center of your life. It is easy for a characteristically empathic person to blame themselves when they can’t talk endlessly to a narcissist. Your lapses may induce a narcissistic rage that you feel is your fault. Trust me, it’s not. It’s important to understand that you’re dealing with a narcissist in order to set boundaries and protect yourself from unnecessary guilt or hurt feelings.t shop Hollman is the author of the books Are You Living With A Narcissist? and Unlocking Parental Intelligence. She has also written several parenting guides as well as articles on mental illness for Long Island, NY health professionals and schools, discussing issues relevant to educators and mental health counselors, including ADHD, the gifted child, and depression or anxiety in children.
